kangmi: learning korean

"I immediately shied away from being called 사모님...I told her that it makes me sound more important (or better) than I really am."

Don't take this the wrong way, but it has nothing to do with how important or "good" you are. Technically, it is a term of respect for your husband--you only get the respect by virtue of being married to him.

There's another aspect to it, of course, and that is that some of these titles are used so often that they lose much of their "punch." 사모님 is a perfect example of that (and it is mentioned in Antti's post that you linked to).

So, essentially, the title does not make you sound more important than you are on either count. What it really comes down to is respect for the social order. The social order is quite different in the States, so I can see why you might be uncomfortable. If you put it into the Korean context, though, it is perfectly normal.

I had a really hard time wording this response. It was very hard to say these things without sounding insulting, and I'm not sure if I succeeded. The truth of the matter, though, is that cultural differences have made you assign more meaning to the term than it actually has. That's my perspective, at least.

Thanks, Charles. I was already headed toward the "It's not about me!" path, but I'm now completely on it.

Glad to hear it. :)

If you really want to learn Korean well, you can't shy away from the culture. There is a strong link between language and culture. My experience has shown me that when I adopt a Korean attitude and manner, Koreans respond to my Korean as if it were more fluent than if I merely speak the words but continue to act like an American. Ultimately it comes down to our sense of self or our "Language Ego".

Many of my students here (students of English) tell me that they feel like they have a different identity when the speak English. We too can feel like we have a different identity when we speak Korean... our Korean identity.

Finally, studies show that when a person studying a foreign language genuinely wants to assimilate to that language's culture and become a member of its society, language learning is more successful. Korean is a language that makes use of a highly developed set of honorifics. If we are uncomfortable using them... it may in fact restrain our ability to learn Korean.

My general philosophy is when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

You're right. Acting like a Korean when among Koreans is often a good idea, even when English is the primary language.

Thanks for introducing me to the term "language ego." It fits well with some other navel-gazing thoughts I've had here about learning Korean.

How long have you been studying Korean?

"My general philosophy is when in Rome, do as the Romans do."

How about "When in Rome, do as the Romanians"?



BTW, I get called 사부님 by the women who work "under" my wife.